Only Room For One

Since I started my new job in the New York City area in late March, I've been mostly staying with friends in the city during the week and coming back home to my apartment in PA on many weekends. It's not a bad existence but obviously not one that can continue forever.

So, like many young professionals hunting for a pad, I've turned to Craig's List. If you're never heard of it before, check out the link.

Today, I came across the nutty but well-written ad below. I'm not going to reply to it but I thought I'd share anyway. It's an interesting slice of life although I don't think Jerry Falwell (may he rest in peace) would have approved:

$1000 Laid-back M & Crazy F seek 3rd roommate (Upper East Side)
Reply to: (removed to avoid spam)
Date: 2007-05-15, 6:24PM EDT

The apartment: Upper East side in the 80's, cross street is York. 1st floor walk-up, 24 hour laundry downstairs, near Carl Schurz park, lots of restaurants. The only drawback is the long schlep to the train, but thankfully for whomever moves in, it's summer.

The apartment is railroad-style. We share a combined living room/kitchen space. There is an island with barstools and a dishwasher. Note: There is only a tiny window in the kitchen, so there is not a lot of natural light. The rooms are furnished, but any tasteful contributions are always appreciated.

While neither one of us is a neatfreak, it is insisted upon that you not be a slob. We keep a cleaning schedule and expect that it will be reasonably followed. We all chip in for household supplies. Seems petty to put that in an ad, but you'd be surprised at how 'forgetful' people get.

The room for rent is on the small side, with an ample hallway closet. There is enough room for a queen bed and a dresser. AGAIN: this room has a tiny window with little to no natural light, so it would be ideal for a bartender or someone who works at night so the lack of light might not bother them so much. I lived in this room when I first moved in and liked it, but I am an insomniac.

About us: Greg is a 28 year old male who works in PR. He is one of the easiest roommates I have ever had. He is rarely home, usually just to sleep and keeps to himself most of the time. He runs, binge drinks on the weekend, and always keeps me in stitches with his dry sense of humor.

I am a 31 year old female and I work at NYC's biggest nightclub. I am in marketing during the day, and am a bottle host Friday and Saturday nights till 4 am. I am gone a lot, but when I am home, I do not expect any shit for my lifestyle. Put bluntly, I smoke, I drink, I have more than one boyfriend at a time, and I am not afraid to tell people what I think of them. I am a considerate person, and rarely if ever have people over during the week but on Sunday mornings I sometimes do not get home till 8 am then it's straight to bed. I get along best with gay men, and that is my preference for a roommate.

You should NOT answer this ad if: You are homophobic. You never drink or smoke, ever. You are a slob. You think doing the Times crossword puzzle is the best thing EVER. You never get laid. You are brand new to NYC. You are a student. You are a bitchy girl. (there's only room for one, and I'm it)

You SHOULD answer this ad if: You are open-minded. You are fun yet responsible. You have lived in NYC for awhile. English is your first language. You are clean.

We need someone by June 1st. $1000 security, $1000 rent. Total of $2000 to move in. We are showing the apartment this week, staring Wednesday.

No pets, sorry. We had a puppy and it didn't work out. I am still not over it.